Time is of Your Own Making

Time spent with family is time well spent.

I have to admit, the past four weeks have been a little rough. Emotionally and physically; although the former provoked the latter. So what happens when things get a little turbulent and you're not really sure what to do? You look at your challenges head on and make some changes one step at a time.

It all started when my friend Insomnia came to visit. Insomnia likes to show up uninvited during stressful times and oddly enough she helps me sort through my thoughts. She made me think about the things that made me happy. My list consisted of my family: my husband, my kids, my mom and sisters. Followed by sewing, crafting, running and bike rides. Reading, sitting in bookstores for no reason, drinking coffee, baking, quiet times. Driveway drinks with our neighbors, gardening, listening to music, listening to children play, volunteering. Good things, happy things.

The following nights of her visit consisted of the hard stuff. What am I stressed out about? Why? How can I change it? After a lot of praying and talking to Insomnia in my head, I decided that I just needed to give my burdens up to God. I didn't want them anymore. And that was when my dad decided to chime in and put my mind at ease. My dad asked me what I wanted out of life right at this moment and my immediate answer was: TIME. I want time. Time to live. Time to enjoy life. Time with my family. It seems like a reasonable request. So my dad granted it to me. He told me that maybe I should take a break from teaching Zumba, take a step back and refocus. This was the one thing I could change right away that could give me more time.

My decision to take a break from teaching couldn't have come at a better time. I guess timing really is everything. It wasn't a week into my decision that my mom learned that a lesion in her brain was causing her light-headedness and forgetfulness. It was apparent that her cancer is trying to make its way to her brain. More radiation treatments are in order and that makes me very concerned. I want more time with my mom...

I feel like I've always lived on borrowed time. Being a Navy spouse will do that to you. You do certain things because you never know when you'll move again. You wait to do things because you want to do them when your husband comes home from deployment. It is a constant struggle to live in the now, but when you come out of the past and into the present it feels good. You feel strong and that's a good feeling.

I am thankful that at least we are in a decent financial state in which I can give up a paying job that used to bring me joy. First and foremost, I am a mother and a wife and I have never grown tired of that job. In fact that is the job in which my time is most precious. Children grow up. We grow old. Our parents pass away. It's the circle of life. Time is precious and it is not to be wasted on things that bring us unhappy thoughts or experiences. There will always be bad days, bad weeks, bad months, and even bad years. But the little things that give us joy, even for just a short amount of time, are the things that matter most. Happy times are not a waste, they make our lives more meaningful.

"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back."

-Harvey MacKay-