After ten days of being back home in AZ, it's time for me to go home to FL. Back to my family and to finish up the last of the school year. The transition has been rough, but my mom has received wonderful treatment at the hospital. But there isn't much more they can do about her cancer. It is affecting other parts of her body and because of her compromised condition there are no other options.
The end result now is hospice care.
The most important thing to remember is that my mom is comfortable. I'm not ready for this path and either is my mom, I'm sure. The medical jargon confuses me and that is probably the most intimidating thing about it. Pam, my mom's hospice nurse is a Godsend and is very patient when we have too many questions. The problem I have run into is stepping into the unknown. You'd think that after 10+ years as a military spouse that I'd be used to the unknown and having to wait around for answers. The truth of the matter is that there is no timeline. My mom could go on for years on hospice or she could go on for weeks.
One thing for sure is that my children miss me and I need to be home now. I am worried about being away for two weeks because things seem to change at the drop of a hat. My mom reassures me that I need to be with my husband and kids and that she promises not to die without me there. This is a signal to me that she knows that her time is almost up here on Earth. Apparently God needs her up in heaven and my dad is patiently waiting.
She reminds me that she had to do the very same thing when she was caring for Mama and Papa when they were sick. She was in Arizona and her parents were in California. On two separate occasions years apart, she had to split her time between her job and family in AZ and her dying parents in CA. I am thankful that my mom understands my situation and I am excited to see my family again, but I am worried beyond words.
So I get to go home and my sister assures me that she will call, email or text anytime anything changes. Lisa carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. The doctor in her knows how to direct the comfort care for my mom, but it also leaves her with little time to be a daughter. She seems to be handling the title well, but I still worry. She is my sister and I care so much about her thoughts and feelings. She is probably the closest of us three sisters to my mom and she needs time to be a daughter, not a doctor.
The time will go by fast for my mom since she will have many visits from her brother and sisters from California. They will have many late nights reminiscing of their childhood and adult lives. Catching up on so may things and also praying. Saying their long goodbyes.
My mom is also preparing. She is preparing internally... Something we will not experience until it is our time to go. I am not ready for this. I am not ready to see my mom do this.
Ready or not. It's time to go home.
The end result now is hospice care.
The most important thing to remember is that my mom is comfortable. I'm not ready for this path and either is my mom, I'm sure. The medical jargon confuses me and that is probably the most intimidating thing about it. Pam, my mom's hospice nurse is a Godsend and is very patient when we have too many questions. The problem I have run into is stepping into the unknown. You'd think that after 10+ years as a military spouse that I'd be used to the unknown and having to wait around for answers. The truth of the matter is that there is no timeline. My mom could go on for years on hospice or she could go on for weeks.
One thing for sure is that my children miss me and I need to be home now. I am worried about being away for two weeks because things seem to change at the drop of a hat. My mom reassures me that I need to be with my husband and kids and that she promises not to die without me there. This is a signal to me that she knows that her time is almost up here on Earth. Apparently God needs her up in heaven and my dad is patiently waiting.
She reminds me that she had to do the very same thing when she was caring for Mama and Papa when they were sick. She was in Arizona and her parents were in California. On two separate occasions years apart, she had to split her time between her job and family in AZ and her dying parents in CA. I am thankful that my mom understands my situation and I am excited to see my family again, but I am worried beyond words.
So I get to go home and my sister assures me that she will call, email or text anytime anything changes. Lisa carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. The doctor in her knows how to direct the comfort care for my mom, but it also leaves her with little time to be a daughter. She seems to be handling the title well, but I still worry. She is my sister and I care so much about her thoughts and feelings. She is probably the closest of us three sisters to my mom and she needs time to be a daughter, not a doctor.
The time will go by fast for my mom since she will have many visits from her brother and sisters from California. They will have many late nights reminiscing of their childhood and adult lives. Catching up on so may things and also praying. Saying their long goodbyes.
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| Just a few of Lola's sisters and brother-in-law |
Ready or not. It's time to go home.
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